In this, the one regret // Personal

sometimes I don't coordinate words and pictures very well. ;)

Covers gathered up to my chin, I would read late into the nights.  My parents would come in, and ask me why I wasn't asleep, and I would ask to "finish this one chapter pleaaase?" Hoping that the chapter I had just started was a very long one.  When I read Nancy Drew, I never got to sleep because I had to finish the entire book or risk bad dreams.  When I read Beatrix Potter, I always wanted to paint something afterwards.  But fantasy was my favorite then, I always wanted to be the princess in the stories, the one who wasn't like other princesses, but read those books, dabbled in magic, fought that dragon, cooked food, knew how to use a bow and arrow, and led the others in rebellion.  I loved my princess stories, and always tried to write my own.  I have several attempted novels of princesses (one of which was of twins, separated at birth, another desire of mine).
The library was my favorite place, and I went there as often as I could, the librarians frequently asking "are those ALL for you?", and happily burdened, I would stumble to the car with my load of books.
I read in the car, bed, during every meal, I occasionally snuck them into schoolwork, or tried to convince my mom that this particular book was for our "english class".  But I was home schooled, so we made up our own.  They didn't exactly want to discourage my reading.
I have one regret though, I no longer have those books, they're in different libraries, and I have no documentation of the books I read.  I cannot remember all that I read or what I thought of the books from when I was seven, or eleven, or twelve, and I cannot go back and read what I scribbled in them.
I still have many books to my name, but I grieve the ones I don't.  One particular book haunts me.  There was this big book of different re-tellings of princess stories.  I think there was a princess story with cherry blossoms, and other stories from all around the world.  It had twelve illustrations of princess in little ovals on the cover, and I loved it.  But I moved, and forgot what it was called and never saw it again.  I have looked for it many times, searching the sites from my old library, even calling them.  It bugs me that I can't remember it's name or find it.  I thought it was called Princess Stories from around the World, but I'm probably wrong, and I might never know.
But somewhere out there is a book that teases me with it's absence.  Maybe it wasn't even a very good book, and I wouldn't even like it now, but I still miss it sometimes, like I miss all the other books I've forgotten.
I'm not very good at remembering the words I've read, and snippets sometimes haunt me.  I wonder if they're of dreams I had once, or books I've actually read.
But words are something I love a lot, and I go back to the library, and revisit the sections I've been to a thousand times.  I love books, and stories, and reading them all.

Beginnings

 Oh goodness.  There are so many things I want to say, that I keep re-writing this same paragraph.  I've had so many thoughts and ideas and even a note from a friend regarding this new project (Hi Jordan:), that my brain is just exploding.  Of course, after a few weeks I'll probably be starting to feel the monotony, but that's why I started this blog.  To be accountable for living joyously. 

So, day 1 of my "project" I got off the computer a bit early, played the guitar for a long while, sketched some, and cut out pictures from some magazines for my wall.  It wasn't that early that I got off the computer, and the song I'm playing doesn't sound that much better, and my sketch wasn't that great, but it was lovely putting effort into some things that I didn't view as chores, or put off lazily. 

Yesterday afternoon, I had a couple errands to run, and so my mom dropped me off (only have my permit, because I just.. didn't get my permit... for forever) on the little main street of our town and I walked around a bit.  I went to this used book shop and picked up Jane Eyre, and a selection of Poe's stories.   I then walked aimlessly through some other shops, went to the library (I know, redundant), bought some chocolate at the bulk foods store, and then met my mom at a coffee shop.  Then, we went to this awesome little, privately owned guitar shop.  It was very exciting.  I picked out the guitar I liked, and we'll go back with my pastor who knows guitars, to buy it later (he said he'd come with me so I get a good guitar for my price and all that).  Then, I had modern (dance) class and choreography class, which were both lovely.  It was a very nice day. 

I picked up this book a little while ago from the library and just started reading it.  It is very interesting, though I won't recommend it til I've finished reading it.  It's got some iffy subjects, though it's a terrific story so far.  Sometimes I'm not the best judge though. 

Anyway.  That's what my past couple days have been like.  Just the idea of new beginnings and clean slates just put me in a good mood.  I'm more apt to do things, than just be lazy or just think about them.  And I like that a lot.  My blogging won't always be like this, just a re-cap.  I plan on still doing occasional outfit posts, because I like getting dressed, and I know I like seeing what other people wear.  I'll post what I'm thinking, pictures I'm taking and the like.  But I guess for now, my focus is on documenting life, and living fully.  Having this blog to keep me accountable is nice. 

Also, we serve a mighty God.  He's doing things we can't understand, for reasons we won't understand.  But He is mighty, and loves us very much.  

“God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’” (Job 37:5-6 NIV)

Have a lovely Thursday!

Lillian ♥